what what Freud would say about “Purity balls”

Purity balls, in which a girl pledges to remain ‘pure’ until her wedding day, symbolically ‘marries’ God, and promises her father that she will remain a virgin until she’s a wife, have become a phenomenon in America, now taking place in 48 out of the 50 states.

The balls resemble giant wedding ceremonies, with the girls – all around the age of 12 – wearing white gowns and dancing with their fathers who promise to ‘protect’ their daughter’s chastity.

via Purity balls, in which girls ‘gift their virginity’ to their fathers, sweeping America | Mail Online.

Honestly… I am speechless. I… I can’t even….


Clearly, this is not new.

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12 Replies to “what what Freud would say about “Purity balls””

  1. I think the purity of the father’s balls is proven when they actually protect their daughters from males who think they are in control of a female’s sexuality. Those would be some pure balls.

  2. Hopefully we aren’t disdaining chastity and sexual purity. That said, the report misrepresents some aspects of these ceremonies. Where I serve, and have served, we promote families collaborating together and talking honestly about the realities of sex and sexuality. I’ve had friends who were part of these, and honestly I think its more important to include both genders in this kind of commitment. I’m always happy to champion keeping the biblical example of sexual purity front and center for our lives and our children’s lives. Though there might be some other, more effective, ways to do this, the central message that we are to be pure until marriage is one we should agree on while offering grace for those who haven’t had the same commitments.

    1. There is a difference between talking about sex and sexuality and insisting the daughter surrender her virginity to her father for safe keeping. This sort of… garbage… suggests women are second class, are at fault, and the ruin of the world – unless a man is present to tell her what to do.

  3. For the most part, the notion of virgin brides is a joke in the West. Nor is this anything new. According to legend, the spire on the 14th century Church of (the Twisted Spire or more officially) Saint Mary and All Saints in Chesterfield, England arrived at its unique spiral-like shape when it attempted to get a better look the wonderment of a virgin bride. Again, according to local lore, the corkscrew spire will only straighten when another virgin marries there!

    Beyond parish parables, the primary reason for the modern disconnect between biblical notions of morality and reality stems from the age at which women marry versus the onset of puberty. Nature begins to work its miracle in girls in the late preteens and completes the process by the mid-teens, This was all well and good when girls married shortly thereafter since Bronze Age life expectancies were probably half, perhaps even less, of what they are these days. However, more recently, young women are, on average, marrying in their late 20s.

    Then, although seldom openly discussed among the faithful, there’s the well-known frigidity problem with virgin brides. When a young woman has been trained to sublimate her otherwise perfectly natural urges for a prolonged period of time, she may never be able to rejuvenate them merely because she is wearing a wedding ring. Bluntly put, although outwardly submissive to her husband, the virgin bride is never fully able to partake in the communion of copulation. Having equated sex with sin for too long, she is unable to unlearn the inculcation.

    Regardless of their perhaps noble intent, Purity Balls may be little more the last gasp vestiges of a dying patriarchy that, much like the religiomaniacal fundamentalism from which it springs, is out of touch with reality. It is yet another example of how this peculiar species of Christendom has managed to, once again, make itself look like an act in search of a circus.

  4. There is an increase in sexual contact orally, anally, and in manual stimulation of another among teenagers. Blind surveys by government sources, the WHO and even groups like Barna and Pew research indicate that one reason is that one of the large reasons is that they want to “save themselves” for marriage. We are not helping young women and are quite probably harming them, by treating the hymen as some sort of mystic morality gauge. While it is true that teenage pregnancy and even teenage vaginal sex is down, oral, anal and manual stimulation of another as well as female masturbation are all up in drastic amounts and have increased at a rate that is disproportional to the decrease of vaginal sex. The overall amount of sexual contact has increased and continues to do so.

    Another problem with these sorts of practices is that they are leaving an increasing number of Christians raised in the tradition of conservative and fundamental practice with out a home. I, and many people in my age bracket and younger, who were raised in conservative traditions, taught literal interpretation and the like, but also understand that it is not the middle ages. I think that there is room for intelligent fundamentalism (again, based on the actual 5 fundamentals) in today’s Christian society, but there is not a lot of room for it within the conservative traditions, and in the more liberal traditions we are often seen as behind the times and feel as if we are almost as second class Christians because we are so far outside those particular belief traditions and often have to sacrifice many of our beliefs to be a part of the church.

    1. scott, as a man with 2 daughters, I have no issue with teaching basic morality, responsibility, and waiting — however, a solid majority, if not all, of these “abstinence” programs are geared to women. In reality, they are geared against women.

    2. Accurate analysis. I am aware of at least one fundamentalist pastor’s daughter fitting the Clinton sex but technically virgin profile.

  5. God is your husband and I am your boyfriend… Creepy! Creepy! I don’t have a daughter; I had three sons who now have their own families with… guess… sons! But if I had a daughter I would never tell her that whereas she has a husband, because he is far away in heaven somewhere, it is okay to have a “boyfriend” especially associating that word with me! My point is merely that there is a far better way to teach our daughters purity, the main one is by example!
    BTW, I don’t know of any pastor daughter who practices the Clinton sex whereas maintaining “technical” virginity, but in today’s world I am sure that there are probably not a few… 😉

    1. As is frequently the case with families of public persons, pastor’s families are by no means exempt from having private behaviors that differ greatly from their public projections. More importantly, this sexual technical weaseling offers an excellent insight into how Millennials operate in a rule-bound world. They have learned from their elders how to twist the law into a pretzel.

  6. Perhaps the best title for the following is:

    Boys: They’re Not the Men They Used to Be – And, Truth Be Told, Probably Never Were!

    The first part of the above is a very private joke inspired by an old-maidish, and thankfully long dead, high school guidance counselor. The last portion is the product of decades of observing males of the pack.

    Nevertheless, faux headline probably sums up what conservative pundits will say about recently released research finding about half of young men have been coerced into sex by females. For more on the story, follow the link below.


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