Spider-Man vs Beer Belly
Spider-Man vs Beer Belly (Photo credit: Niccolò Caranti)

I’d like to other vomit the words on the screen, or go to my nearest Dictionary of Overused Hollywood Clichés and just lay them across the screen. I have a feeling this is what Orci and Kurtzman did. The only thing worse about this movie was the film score. I mean, Hans Zimmer was attached to this! Hans Zimmer. I’d trust that man to score Heaven.

I admit that Spider-Man is not my favorite character, although he’s one of my top Marvel heroes. I don’t know much about his backstory or his gallery of rogues, but I do know what looks and sounds good on screen. This was not it. Yes, there were the essential elements of the Gwen Stacy storylines. And yes, the Green Goblin character formation was just a bit better than the Sam Raimi version. But in the end, the gaping plot holes, the overly done cliches, and the choppiness of the final piece overruled any sympathy I could have for the characters. I just wanted someone to die.

About 10 minutes after we are introduced to the villain, he suddenly has a cool nickname and a solid delivery. Why? No idea.

The last 10 minutes of the movie was the only consistent part, the only well-written part, in the entire movie. It was the part few minute with heart and soul. I don’t know the literary source, of the Q, of this section, but it is the only bit you need to see. Everything else seems like a placeholder between the first movie and the next one. Indeed, the same thing that gives resolution to the Gwen Stacy plotline is the mirror of the overconfidence and the overstuffed plate of the writers/directors. They had to let something go.

It was the movie.

The dialogue was expected. The music felt like it was the 70’s. I mean, they tried to give Spider-Man a theme song. A fricken theme song. And honestly folks, how many times did we have to hear the word “amazing?” We get it. It is the amazing Spider-Man.

The movie wasn’t.

Wait for it on DVD.

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