Obligatory Father’s Day Post – I am not my father’s son

Father’s Day is coming up, so this is your obligatory Father’s Day post.

Thank God that I am not my father’s son. Well, genetically I am, but I hope and pray that I have gotten out of me every bit of him spiritually, emotionally, nurturally (no, it’s not a word, but I am college graduate now and I can make things up), and just about anything else. Why?

Granted, there are some who have had worse parents, I’ve met a few, actually; however, the man is a sick and twisted individual intent on abuse and control, fanaticism, and willing to do every bad things in the name of his god. I’ll leave it at that. If I could show you the lives that he has destroyed, perhaps you would see and believe me, but otherwise, it would do no good to tell you about it. Most of it is unbelievable.

But, I have found healing in the arms of God. It is not easy sometimes, to deal with a few things, but through God I have erased the things that I was shown and replaced them with things that I know to be truth. Yes, he did do lots of damage, but along the way, I had a grandfather, a wonderful, dear old man, who took me in in the midst of a very bad time in my life. I spent barely a year with him, before he died suddenly, but in that year, I was able to take something from him that I still have. There has been other positive male figures in my life along the way which have helped me to find a better picture of a father, husband and man who what one half of my genetic make-up showed me.

For the good in my life, I can give no other reason but God. It is not my counseling or therapy, or rebellion, or drowning myself in every form of vice known to a person that I have found comfort, but only in the wonder-working power of God Almighty. He has been a constant friend and a shelter, a help, a presence, in my life as I grew, rebelled, experimented in vices, and finally found my way back to him. I gave give no credit for my healing – sometimes I am still in ICU – except to God the Father.

I have three children of my own now, and I am married to my wife – first and only, although sometimes, to irritate her, I introduce her as my first wife – which is an accomplishment as I look around my immediate family. I love her and she loves me. My children and I have a good relationship, although it is not perfect. I sometimes feel like David, in that I can only go so far with the amount of blood in my past, but my children will be able to build that perfect house. My daughter is 8, my son is 6, and my youngest daughter is 8 months. They still have a nuclear family. Awesome.

But, it is not by my hand that this is happening, but through God. Through Christ. Not by me.

It is real easy to know what to do – I just look at the parental tissue donor as an example and do everything opposite. In loving my wife, I look at my grandfather and the Song of Songs, Christ and the Church. In loving my children, I think about the failures and hurt feelings my youth and try not to replicate it, especially leaving out the anger and abuse.

My wife and I, rightly or wrongly, have cut that part of the family – and generally, if the last name now ends or has ended in Watts, then it is cut off – from our children. Safer that way, really. (My mother, who died when I was 17, had a wonderful family and I still keep in touch with my surviving great aunts who are truly wonderful people.)

So, this Sunday, I will celebrate Father’s Day with hand-made paper crafts that for the life of me, I cannot decipher, and when told what they really are, will agree and tell them that is the best thing ever. Father’s Day is not a highlight, really, as I have witnessed the births of all my children, sharing their milestones with their mother, and come home to them and their mother nightly. Every day that we can make it as a family, every day of healing, is a Father’s Day for me.

Okay, that’s it.

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5 Replies to “Obligatory Father’s Day Post – I am not my father’s son”

  1. I have a similar history – but with my mother and a mostly absent father. Days like this have always been difficult. I mourned the lack of family, love, support until I thought I could mourn no more. Then something happens and I realize that this isn't something you are ever completely healed from. You move forward, you make different choices, but there are still scars. manipulation. control. I too had to cut ties. Anger, hatred, bitterness are not the things to give your children. They are poisons that seep into every area in your life wasting hours and days and months and years. Sometimes breaking ties are the only escape.

    I am so grateful for what God has given me. My husband, my children. Friends who have become family. So many amazing, kind and caring people he has put in my life. That is a much more productive focus for me.

  2. As a child of severe abuse, I can relate. I too rebelled, had things I was able to escape into enough to stay sane and some amazing adults who came alongside. I got away as soon as I could.
    It's not been easy. I have had good counselling at times in my life when I've needed it and felt utter relief when my adoptive parents died and my biological dad passed on.
    God being my Father took a long time to grasp. I hated the verse about being adopted into God's own family, but it through the great love of God through Jesus, and the gentleness of the Holy Spirit the day came when I no longer cringed.
    I am grateful my adoption exposed me to church music, and church, the bible and balanced believers.
    I chose not to marry, I know the damage would have spilled too much into parenting, but again God has blessed by allowing me to walk alongside abused, wounded and lost.
    I eventually forgave and let go, but there are days the effects of abuse don't let go of me. And God is good, the way out is through, they pass and He has never left me nor forsaken me.
    I am not condemned, Jesus has set me free.
    Like you, I've chosen to do many opposites of what I experienced and absorbed as a child.
    I owe my life to Him and I am grateful.
    Enough.

  3. Thank you, Bene, for sharing. I don't think that people who grow up in a whole family can fully understand what it is like to grow up such as you and others, and maybe it is because we can serve to help others, who in the same situations need Christ.

    Thanks to all who commented and shared.

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