Now that I am a Methodist, I’m going to out live you Pentecostals

I disagree with the conclusions of the ‘why’, as I note that Catholics aren’t exactly a marginalized minority. If was going to, you know, be my old self, I would suggest that the real reason is that Mainline Protestants are required to use their brain more. But I don’t want to say that because it might be taken the wrong way.

The report, here, suggests that Mainline Protestants have less brain rot compared to other expressions of Christian religion.


That’s right. My brain will stay intact long after most of you other people. And, since Mainline Protestantism is dying, I’d say that I will also survive longer than most of you.

And eventually, because of the massive size of my brain and my absolute devotion to Mainline Protestantism and healthy living, I will be the last man alive.


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3 Replies to “Now that I am a Methodist, I’m going to out live you Pentecostals”

  1. Only one category of Catholics? … Shhh … don’t tell anyone, but we’ve got mainliners too. Maybe that skewed our numbers a bit to put us in the middle.

  2. You might be the last man alive, but you’ll probably be among the mainstays of the Mainline church: a whoooole lot of women.

    Ever since reliable birth control came along, we’ve been outliving you guys.

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