I’ve wasted two hours of my life on Dark Shadows – don’t make the same mistake

First, this is not a family movie. It’s just not. We really need a new rating system between PG-13 and R, I believe, but that is our mistake.

The acting was horrible, the story line never ending and poorly written, and it was just this side of campy. I was expecting a parody of the old television show, and who wouldn’t with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp? What I got was a movie which couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a parody or a real take off. It failed. Horribly.

And, honestly… the mother didn’t know that her daughter was a werewolf? There were so many plot holes that it made it difficult to actually follow the movie. Characters were there just because they were supposed to be, given no development or actual role. I kept excepting actual heart, but nothing.

This is why Joss Whedon, by law, should direct these sort of movies.

The language was not acceptable. Several of the scenes were more than suggestive. It was not scary and trust me, far, far from funny.

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6 Replies to “I’ve wasted two hours of my life on Dark Shadows – don’t make the same mistake”

  1. I’m trying to think of anything that Burton has done that didn’t leave me wondering how high he was while making it, and how high I’d have to be to like it.

    Maybe I’m missing something, but there it is. As for Depp, I haven’t seen much of his other than Jack Sparrow (I saw part of “Edward Scissorhands,” and that might be it).

    I assume that Depp is usually drunk while acting.

    Between the two, I think I’d rather watch an Ed Wood picture.

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