Before I proceed, let me suggest you consider two things…
But I’ll get to that in a minute.
Simon, in chapter 3, follows Aristotle in suggesting that virtue is not a refusal to do something which troubles you, but the right balance, in a holistic type of way. This, she applies to being chaste. It is not about simply not having sex, but about keeping “our desires from making us view others as collections of sexually arousing body parts.” (76) She suggests that chastity is more about a balanced view of yourself and others, and using sex to make yourself flourish as well as others.
This chapter is a good one, because it is not about virginity to be cherished, which as she points out, is more often about the woman and not the man, but about chastity, something that is not defined as going without sex. As a matter of faction, she even separates chastity into celibate and non-celibate chastity.
So… can Christians have sex outside of marriage in a chaste way?