Book review of “How to Profit from the Coming Rapture: Getting ahead when you are left behind”

You first need to understand what this book is. It is humor. It pokes fun at Christians, and in many cases Jews. I found it to be in good fun, rather than an attempt at being hurtful. It also has a few alarmingly good ideas just in case. I mean seriously, they make a lot of sense…which somehow adds to the hilarity of it all.

This book is not for you if you are, what the book calls, a “fundamentalist dispensationalist premillennialist evangelical Christian and do not have a sense of humor. It is not for you if you are looking for a serious theological commentary on the alleged rapture and all that surrounds it, though the book is, in large part, faithful to the theology (such as it is) laid out in Revelation Unveiled (Tim Lehaye, 1999) and/or The Late Great Planet Earth (Hal Lindsey 1970). This book is not for you if you find offense easily when parts of your faith are subjected to satire. This book is for you if you can handle a good laugh at an eschatological theory that is readily open for such laughter.

To start, I appreciated the ‘fearfully asked questions’ section at the end of each chapter. It handled well some of the most likely questions not covered, and cleared up misconceptions that were covered, yet easily misunderstood. For example, at the end of chapter three we find the important question “My friend has just accepted Jesus as her personal savior, so I know she will be raptured up when the time comes. Is it to early to tacky if I ask her for her charm bracelet now?” What an amazingly practical question with real world implications. It is attention to these real world everyday situations that make this book worth the time to read. Where else could one find such practical advice?

The book is conveniently organized in a time line set forth at the beginning taking you step by step, event by event, through the rapture and the tribulation to follow. From the rapture through Satan being thrown into the lake of fire forever, sound financial planning advice i there to be taken and absorbed. Some terms are, by necessity, redefined at the beginning. When dealing with a seven year period, terms such as “long term” or “medium term” simply must take on new meaning. By providing solid financial advice for immediate action and also for long term, such as it is in this condensed tribulation time frame, the savvy reader will be prepared to live the best life possible during the worst time imaginable. What else can you ask for after all? As an added bonus, since we have not arrived at the rapture yet, there is an added bonus in the beginning of the book on how to profit from the signs leading up to the rapture so as to better prepare your self. I was particularly fond of the TGID (Thank god it’s doomsday) scenario help advising one to google doomsday prophets, move into their neighborhoods two weeks or so before their prophesied doomsday, and visit the prophets followers to buy those things they will no longer need, such as appliances. With a couple of money needy college kids, a rental truck, and a self storage unit, you will be all set to buy up their earthly belongings, store them, and then, after the date passes and all is well, be prepared to sell back their dearly loved items to them at a mark up. Sheer brilliance! Another brilliant plan is included for the fourth seal. Called ‘pallmark greetings’ a card company set to capitalize on all those Antichrist inspired unholy holidays. In each section there are one or more business ideas to keep you going from start to finish.

Lest you think it is all work, there is indeed preparation for (a short) retirement, including a handy self assessment to be sure that you are bowl judgement, pre-second coming, retirement ready. I dare say that, should you follow the step by step instruction in this book, you will indeed be ready for a short, but rewarding, retirement. There are even suggestions that you can put into play now to develop an end times retirement community to suit your fancy. That’s right, this handy one of a kind guide will get you to the end in style.

On a serious note, eschatology is important, and it does matter. We should be studying such things to a point, but that point should not be obsession. This book, in a satirical style, has an undertone that points that out. No matter what your view of the end times is, there will be mystery and things that we do not know. That is how faith works after all. Jesus is the blessed hope and I, and hopefully you, look to His appearing, but that is not the whole focus of life. We are indeed strangers and aliens here, but while we are here, we should be involved in the works of ministry, not just staring up at the heavens until we are no earthly good. I am not a rapture type of guy, but I am a Jesus type of guy. This book does poke fun at the rapture and the tribulation. I did not take it maliciously, neither should you. Sometimes funny is just funny. This is funny, at least in my opinion. This particular review was an attempt to act in that same spirit. Lighten up, don’t take the review, the book, or yourself, to seriously, and have a laugh. I am convinced that God has a sense of humor, and I am equally convinced He wants us to have one too.


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3 Replies to “Book review of “How to Profit from the Coming Rapture: Getting ahead when you are left behind””

    1. Or better yet. Just checked, and it is in my local library! That’s always a good sign. Validation of “reader worthy”. Eliminates the “self published” garbage.

  1. I’m smiling…as this appears to be in the vein of Babylon Bee news. But I’m also recalling that the late great Hal Lindsey’s prophetic quackery had the Lord returning by the end of the 1980s. Just sayin’… another wild speculative attempt to do what we’ve been warned to avoid: predict the end time/s. (Matt. 24:36, 42; et al…)

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