Unsettled Christianity

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April 8th, 2013

My Dad The Qohelet

I used to always be pissed at my dad. He never seemed to take those particular things seriously when in particular I thought he should.

I sucked at math. I still suck at math. So of course, my dad’s a math whiz. He’d always sit down with me and help me through math homework even though I’d fight him the whole way. Whenever I’d get really frustrated with math, he’d frustrate me further and make me say “Math is my best friend”. Then he’d laugh.

Eventually, he’d say things that seeped into my head and I’d get an A on a test. Then he’d say, “I told you! Math is your best friend. Say it!” And of course, I’d begrudgingly repeat our mantra. But he’d remind me to not take it too seriously and to get back to playing guitar or he’d ask me why I didn’t have a girlfriend.

When something bad happened— cancer in a family member, friend in a car accident, friend in jail— he’d say not to worry about it. Grieve, help out, but move on and don’t worry about it. These things happen. He’d tell me just to get my shit together and make sure I go to church, no matter what.

And he was serious about that. My dad and I are both Mexican-American statistics in America’s drug war. Even when he was doing his dirt, he’d always go to mass. His mother made sure he was always in mass, even if stoned with sunglasses. I’ve inherited that.

When I started studying continental philosophy, I— like all young people who are thrown into that sea without family or church— became immaturely angry at my father for what I called apathy in him. I had big questions. And he was happy to listen, but he couldn’t identify. He didn’t care. He loved me of course. But he couldn’t identify with how Kant was turning my worldview into Jello (Biafra). He never had those conversations with his father. He didn’t know who Kant was, nor did he care once I told him. He told me to keep studying philosophy if it pleased me, but to not take it too seriously. Then he’d ask me who I was dating, and I’d get pissed.

I felt the same way about Qohelet until I learned Hebrew. The whole book of Ecclesiastes was a mysterious frustration to me— apathetic like I thought my dad was. But then I learned the language.

I think after going down paths that my dad has already walked, now I’m talking his language, and man don’t I feel like a jackass…

My dad the Qohelet teaches that this world is absurd, so just play the game. There is no justice now, so keep your head down, enjoy your work, enjoy your family, enjoy beer, enjoy barbecue, and go to church. I used to think that was disengaging. Now I think its engaging the right things.

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August 14th, 2011

My Daughter, the Acolyte

She has wanted to do this for a very long time now (long in her time, a few months in mine). Of course, she said she wasn’t nervous at all, which is difficult to believe, but… She just kind fell into it this morning, but she did wonderful! So very happy to be at a church which the entire family wants to be a part of.

So very proud.

February 15th, 2011

The father’s arms

I was 26 years old when I heard my father tell me for the first time he loved me. He had had a prostrate cancer operation 6 weeks earlier and was told it was successful. 4 weeks later my dad was told he had an unusual and vigorous form of leukaemia and only had a short time to live.

It was in this setting that my dad said to me. “Craig, there is one thing I regret. That is I never put my arms around your shoulder and told you how much I loved you. ” This was too much for me to handle. I emotionally could not receive what I was hearing for the first time in my life. My dad was a hard man, one who brought us up – “Men don’t cry. ”

He was not abusive as some dads are. He took us camping, fishing, hunting and taught me many skills. He had suffered much heartache while growing up and had never heard those words spoken to him either. When he died I couldn’t cry. And for the next 3 years I held my grief in; and though a wise man told me to go into the bush and throw a tantrum of all tantrums – I just could not do it.

On March 17th, 10:30am, 1997 I had an encounter with God where I knew I was saved. A few months later I was at a church camp; where I found I was being prayed for. God spoke to my saying;

“Craig, its time to cry! ” I said NO way; and tried to push those emotions deeper.

“Craig, its time to cry”; I heard God say a 2nd time and by now I was in a boxing stance, hands held up in a fighting position; all while a couple of people continued to pray for me.

“Craig, its time to cry and you will cry”; this most loving and gentle voice said to me; and 2 big arms came out of the air and gave me this huge fatherly hug; and I collapsed to the floor balling my eyes out. I ran to my room, where I cried and cried, deep tears of pain for over 3 hours. I then started to laugh. And I was filled with this incredible sense of joy. I laughed so hard that I fell of my bed and rolled around the floor laughing. This went on for a number of hours and the next day I awoke feeling incredibly refreshed, empowered, clean and healed.

This happened in 1997. Since then I have become the father of 2 boys and whom from birth I have held them and told them. I want you to know that I love you and like you very much. I have lately added a 3rd saying to this; in that I am very proud of you. In my work as a chaplain and in the church I have come across many people who have never been told they are loved, liked and that someone is proud of them. I make a point of finding a way to tell people this point…

And so today I want you to know; there is a God. And this God loves you! This God likes you! And this God is very proud of you!

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August 13th, 2010

You know… I agree with Benny Hinn…

By now, everyone knows that Benny Hinn is getting a divorce and has heard about his close friendship with Paula White. Also, you may know my disdain for anyone who uses the name of Christ to beguile people out of loads of cash, etc… But, there comes a moment of clarity, I believe, in which we can see the humanity, if there is any left, in these false prophets/teachers.

I have to say, that in this, Hinn has hope for redemption, in that he is examining himself. May he continue to do so.

On the August 5 edition of his show “This is your Day,” Hinn said he was oftentimes “caught up with the ministry,” so much so that he forgot about his family.

“I’ve made mistakes because I wasn’t the perfect husband and the perfect dad because I was always gone traveling the world,” he said. “That’s probably what broke the whole thing up.”

Hinn told his viewers “not to neglect your family,” saying that the call of God should first touch the family.

Benny Hinn Says Neglecting Family Led to Divorce | Christianpost.com.

A dear old pastor’s wife (her husband had gone on already) once told me, with a measure of sadness in her eyes, to never neglect my family in anything I do for God. That has always stuck with me. You don’t have to bow to your family, but you must not neglect your first congregation, if you will.

July 17th, 2010

The Man Church – No Girls Allowed. Or Sissies.

Man Church is church the way a man expects it to be done. No singing, short sermon, time to talk with other guys, no women present, and coffee and donuts. That’s the way men want to do church. The topics of discussion will have a definite manly focus – being the best possible husband, father, employee, leader – being a real man. In fact, every aspect of Man Church is geared for men – not like any other church you have seen. This ain’t your mama’s church!

Um. No. Let’s see…. the implied nature of ‘mama’s church’ is that all other churches are for girls? Really? And who said that men want to see ‘church’ ‘done’ this way? This man doesn’t.

Marc has some insightful theological questions concerning this, actually, and I demand to see them answered!!!

Honestly, though, while I do not see issues with men’s retreat, etc… there is enough wrong with a ‘Man Church‘ that it shouldn’t be a problem explaining it.  This is one of the reasons why I laugh when others say that homosexuals are destroying ‘traditional’ marriages. It is not homosexuals, but heterosexuals who are destroying ‘traditional’ marriage, living well with out God’s plan for the family. The family is the basic unit of society. It is not the male or the female, but the family. This unit is too often separated anymore which has led to the degradation of our society, or churches, and our government.

One of my former pastors’ wife, a wonderful and godly woman if there ever was one, once told me that a no male is a man until he can learn responsibility. Attempts like this, in my opinion, make men into boys.

June 17th, 2010

Obligatory Father’s Day Post – I am not my father’s son

Father’s Day is coming up, so this is your obligatory Father’s Day post.

Thank God that I am not my father’s son. Well, genetically I am, but I hope and pray that I have gotten out of me every bit of him spiritually, emotionally, nurturally (no, it’s not a word, but I am college graduate now and I can make things up), and just about anything else. Why?

Granted, there are some who have had worse parents, I’ve met a few, actually; however, the man is a sick and twisted individual intent on abuse and control, fanaticism, and willing to do every bad things in the name of his god. I’ll leave it at that. If I could show you the lives that he has destroyed, perhaps you would see and believe me, but otherwise, it would do no good to tell you about it. Most of it is unbelievable.

But, I have found healing in the arms of God. It is not easy sometimes, to deal with a few things, but through God I have erased the things that I was shown and replaced them with things that I know to be truth. Yes, he did do lots of damage, but along the way, I had a grandfather, a wonderful, dear old man, who took me in in the midst of a very bad time in my life. I spent barely a year with him, before he died suddenly, but in that year, I was able to take something from him that I still have. There has been other positive male figures in my life along the way which have helped me to find a better picture of a father, husband and man who what one half of my genetic make-up showed me.

For the good in my life, I can give no other reason but God. It is not my counseling or therapy, or rebellion, or drowning myself in every form of vice known to a person that I have found comfort, but only in the wonder-working power of God Almighty. He has been a constant friend and a shelter, a help, a presence, in my life as I grew, rebelled, experimented in vices, and finally found my way back to him. I gave give no credit for my healing – sometimes I am still in ICU – except to God the Father.

I have three children of my own now, and I am married to my wife – first and only, although sometimes, to irritate her, I introduce her as my first wife – which is an accomplishment as I look around my immediate family. I love her and she loves me. My children and I have a good relationship, although it is not perfect. I sometimes feel like David, in that I can only go so far with the amount of blood in my past, but my children will be able to build that perfect house. My daughter is 8, my son is 6, and my youngest daughter is 8 months. They still have a nuclear family. Awesome.

But, it is not by my hand that this is happening, but through God. Through Christ. Not by me.

It is real easy to know what to do – I just look at the parental tissue donor as an example and do everything opposite. In loving my wife, I look at my grandfather and the Song of Songs, Christ and the Church. In loving my children, I think about the failures and hurt feelings my youth and try not to replicate it, especially leaving out the anger and abuse.

My wife and I, rightly or wrongly, have cut that part of the family – and generally, if the last name now ends or has ended in Watts, then it is cut off – from our children. Safer that way, really. (My mother, who died when I was 17, had a wonderful family and I still keep in touch with my surviving great aunts who are truly wonderful people.)

So, this Sunday, I will celebrate Father’s Day with hand-made paper crafts that for the life of me, I cannot decipher, and when told what they really are, will agree and tell them that is the best thing ever. Father’s Day is not a highlight, really, as I have witnessed the births of all my children, sharing their milestones with their mother, and come home to them and their mother nightly. Every day that we can make it as a family, every day of healing, is a Father’s Day for me.

Okay, that’s it.

June 7th, 2010

Review: Dad’s Bible: The Father’s Plan (Hardcover)

Click to Order

With notes by Robert Wolgemuth, Thomas Nelson has devotional-style bible geared to fathers, and just in time for their special day. The embossed hardcover book is not meant to be a traditional study bible, noticeable by the use of the New Century Version, but to be used by fathers in ‘daddy situations.’

It is wholly conservative evangelical in its approach to biblical headship, the authority of the husband, and other issues (found int he Q & A section in the appendix) such as Creation. The notes are arranged into several topic including ‘Walking in Authority’, ‘Godly Character’, ‘Passing it On’, ‘Dads in the Bible’, ‘Building your Children’, and ‘Insights.’ Unlike the Mom’s Bible, which is the companion to the Dad’s bible, the notes system focuses on the authority of the husband.

The Question and Answer Section in the appendix covers a variety of modern day questioning, such as,

  • Did Jesus Have to Go to School? (1375)
  • Is it wrong to be rich (1361)
  • Can Scientists Prove that Creation isn’t true? (1355)

Thoroughly evangelical in its answers, the Dad’s Bible attempts to answer the questions for its conservative audiences generally basing their answers on previous works, all referenced for further reading, as well to biblical texts. Each book is prefaced with an introduction in, much like the NCV, modern day language. Sometimes, you will find the introduction as an allegory. Rarely will you find theological insights, but this bible is not meant to be this – it is a devotional. So too the Topics found throughout the bible. The bible is based on the NCV, which may be too loose for many. It might do Thomas Nelson well to off the Dad’s and Mom’s bible in something more traditional.

The bible is aesthetic in its appearance, from its embossed cover to its ‘aged’ look on the pages. It would make a nice gift to fathers in the evangelical tradition, new or old.

You can read another review, here.

April 23rd, 2010

Sirach 3.1-16 – The Father and Mother’s honor

This passage from Sirach seems to be a midrash on the fifth commandment,

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.  Exodus 20:12  NASB

“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.  Exodus 20:12 NLT

It provides us, no doubt, with an example of the Jewish family, and the view that a merited following of the Law brings salvation.

(1)  Listen to me, O children, for I am your father; and act accordingly, that you may be safe.

The Greek σωθῆτε which is translated as ‘safe’ here is found twice in the New Testament (John 5.34, Acts 2.40), both times with the meaning of ‘saved’ as Christians have developed. Although it is a stretch to have Sirach use it the same direct (Christian) way, we do find a general idea of temporal salvation in act of honoring one’s father and mother. If we apply this passage in light of Cyprian’s (“No one can have God as Father who does not have the Church as Mother” (Cyprian, De unit. 6: PL 4, 519) then it this passage becomes an instruction for the Christian.

We may first read it as Sirach’s words, referring to our natural parents, and then with the words of Paul who called God our Father and the Church our Mother.

For Sirach, the phrase ‘may be safe’ refers to the promise, that is if you would honor your father and mother, then your life would be long upon the earth.

We find much the same thought in the Apostle Paul,

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3 NLT)

The surviving Greek MSS has this verse as corrupt, however, the Syriac and the Latin preserve this verse.

(2)  For the Lord honored the father above the children, and strengthened the judgment of the mother over her sons.
(3)  Whoever honors his father atones for his sins,

The thought that deeds can ‘cancel’ sins is not foreign to Jewish thought:

By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for, And by the fear of the LORD one keeps away from evil. Proverbs 16.6 NASB

Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin. By fearing the LORD, people avoid evil. Proverbs 16:6 NLT

See also Daniel 4.27.

The Gospel, however, teaches

“So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.’” Luke 17:10 NASB

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. (Ephesians 2:8-9 NLT)

What must be remembered by later  Christian thought the Law is seen as a temporary measure which removes nothing, but under Grace, all sins are removed. At any rate, Sirach stresses atonement by repentance later in the work. (5.5-6, 34.26, 35.3)

(4)  and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure.
(5)  Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard.
(6)  Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will give rest to his mother;
(7)  He who fears the Lord will honor his father; he will serve his parents as his masters.

The words in the italics appear in the Latin.

(8)  Honor your parents by word and deed, that a blessing from him may come upon you.

Several translations have ‘father and mother’ while others simply have ‘father’. Following the Latin, parentes, I would choose parents. (Deligere parentes prima naturae lex. – Valerius Maximus, Facta et Dicta Memorabilia 5.4.7)

(9)  For a father’s blessing established the houses of the children, but a mother’s curse uproots their foundations.
(10)  Do not glorify yourself by dishonoring your father, for your father’s dishonor is no glory to you.
(11)  For a man’s glory comes from honoring his father, and it is a disgrace for children not to respect their mother.
(12)  O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives;
(13)  even if his understanding fails, be considerate and in your youth not despise him.
(14)  For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, and against your sins it will be credited to you;
(15)  in the day of your affliction it will be remembered in your favor; as frost in fair weather, your sins will melt away.
(16)  Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.

Sirach stresses not just the father, but the mother as well, asserting the importance of the mother to the child. We may, again, see this as an insight into the Jewish family of the 2nd century B.C., or as the proper family of any era; however, we may also see it as a key to understanding Paul’s vision of the Church (the New Jerusalem) as the mother of us all, and the importance placed by Paul upon the Church.

March 23rd, 2010

Indianapolis, Family Time, and Community

A few weeks ago, I saw that Dr. James McGrath had sent an invite, via Facebook, to me (and others) to hear a lecture by John Walton on Ancient Cosmology. It would be at Butler University in Indianapolis. Well, I really didn’t think that I would be able to attend, and I mentioned it only in passing to my wife who said that I could go.

The original plan was to drive down there, with my daughter Abigael, to hear the 1.5 hour lecture and return home. Indy is only 5.5 hours away, so I could do this. We do have a nearly 6 month old, and traveling is not that easy. As the time approached, we decided to drive down yonder as a family, stay the night, and enjoy the Zoo Friday morning. Well, the closer we got, we decided to stay two nights.

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February 27th, 2010

My Son and The Icicle

It has snowed since June here, or rather, it has felt that way. In my opinion, I think it is time to go preemptive and kill all the groundhogs. February 1st 2011 is the deadline….

This is a picture I took this morning on our back doorstep. The snow was 6 plus inches, but we do live on top of a mountain. This was the longest icicle.

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February 22nd, 2010

Unexpected News: Marriage more stable than cohabitation

Cohabitation is a less stable form of relationship today than it was 15 years ago and particularly for couples with children, says relationships charity The Jubilee Centre.

A fresh analysis of national data by the centre shows that cohabitations are rarely a long term lifestyle choice and the vast majority last only a short time before being converted into marriage or dissolving.

Marriage more stable than cohabitation, research finds.