Gay Angels are a sign of the Apocalypse

The funny thing about the English language (or anything language) is that it changes, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Of course, this is a major issue of the King James Only crowd, as well as those who believe that lexicons are to be used like decoder charts. Words mean something, but so does the time, place, author and audience of those with whom the words connected.

With the recent spout over what θεόπνευστος means, I thought that it may be fun to see some of the silliness if we were to apply a backwards translation technique to Scripture… one where the vernacular of the day, informed by our culture, determined what Scripture meant.

For instance, did you know that God has gay angels?

 7 and to give relief to you who are afflicted and to us as well when the Lord Jesus will be revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, (2Th 1:7 NASB)

As you know, the word ‘flaming’ is quickly becoming the word for gay, queer, homosexual.

Also, along this line… did you know that Satan has darts that turn you gay?

 16 In all circumstances take up athe shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; (Eph 6:16 ESV)

Also, Mt. Sinai… totally gay…

 18 You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. (Heb 12:18 NLT)

And finally, the angel in Revelation…

I saw another astrong angel bcoming down out of heaven, clothed with a cloud; and the rainbow was upon his head, and his face was like the sun, and his feet were flaming pillars; (Rev 10:1)

Absurd? Yes, of course, but so is saying that your doctrine is what translates and gives meaning to Scripture.

And I’m not even going to get into Acts 2… or Hebrews 1.7 which, if our English language continues to degrade, will come to be understood as ministers should be game.

And if you don’t think that words change radically, acquiring new meaning which would make the Text absurd, then…

But unto thee have I cried, O LORD; and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. (Psa 88:13 KJV)

Prevent, here, actually means, for the time in which it was translated, to mean ‘go before.’ (Think of the term preveniant grace, which generally makes no real sense until you know what Wesley said about the Grace which goes before.)

The point is, is that one shouldn’t allow current understanding of a word to actually dictate what the word meant. Dig deep, or else you may come off looking a little absurd.

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Joel L. Watts
Joel L. Watts holds a Masters of Arts from United Theological Seminary with a focus in literary and rhetorical criticism of the New Testament. He is currently a Ph.D. student at the University of the Free State, analyzing Paul’s model of atonement in Galatians. He is the author of Mimetic Criticism of the Gospel of Mark: Introduction and Commentary (Wipf and Stock, 2013), a co-editor and contributor to From Fear to Faith: Stories of Hitting Spiritual Walls (Energion, 2013), and Praying in God's Theater, Meditations on the Book of Revelation (Wipf and Stock, 2014).

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