CDC issues warning of Zombie-Apocalypse After May 21st’s Rapture

Zombie Apocalypse (video game)
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That’s the question posed by the Centers for Diseases Control and Prevention in a Monday blog posting gruesomely titled, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse.” And while it’s no joke, CDC officials say it’s all about emergency preparation.

“There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for,” the posting reads. “Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”

The post, written by Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan, instructs readers how to prepare for “flesh-eating zombies” much like how they appeared in Hollywood hits like “Night of the Living Dead” and video games like Resident Evil. Perhaps surprisingly, the same steps you’d take in preparation for an onslaught of ravenous monsters are similar to those suggested in advance of a hurricane or pandemic.

“First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house,” the posting continues. “This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored).”

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I reckon that most of the Government will most likely be gone some May 22.

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Joel L. Watts
Joel L. Watts holds a Masters of Arts from United Theological Seminary with a focus in literary and rhetorical criticism of the New Testament. He is currently a Ph.D. student at the University of the Free State, analyzing Paul’s model of atonement in Galatians. He is the author of Mimetic Criticism of the Gospel of Mark: Introduction and Commentary (Wipf and Stock, 2013), a co-editor and contributor to From Fear to Faith: Stories of Hitting Spiritual Walls (Energion, 2013), and Praying in God's Theater, Meditations on the Book of Revelation (Wipf and Stock, 2014).

19 thoughts on “CDC issues warning of Zombie-Apocalypse After May 21st’s Rapture

  1. most of the govt. will have become flesh eating zombies. And if the Simpson’s have taught me anything over the years, its that a good shotgun will get rid of zombies.

  2. Well, if as Camping predicts all the dead are thrown out of their graves by earthquakes on Saturday, but presumably only the Christians among them get raptured, then what about the rest of the dead – excluding I suppose those whose bodies have been cremated or eaten by cannibals? Will they wander around the earth half dead and killing people at random? Will the five month Great Tribulation in fact be a Zombie Apocalypse?

    1. Indeed, Peter. I assume that what we will face, those of you who are left behind, will be something like the Walking Dead. I’d hate to be you guys.

  3. how dumb are you people actually thinking their will be a rapture then a zombie apocalypse. First of all the laws of science can not be broken. Secondly god is an alien and he from the alien race the annunaki do some research its true. Religion is bull **** it was created to control the masses and their will be no rapture don’t get your hopes up morons. Also the zombie apocaplyse warning was only because they think rabies and prions disease and mad cow have a chance of mutating………Religious idiots

    1. um, nothing. only a few people actually believe something will. as a matter of fact, the rapture is not a widely held christian belief

  4. joel, no man can predict the end of times, clearly says that in the bible, if you were a christian you would know this, or if YOU EVER READ THE BIBLE you would know this, stop messing with these lost souls minds with that non sense… the rapture will defently not happen today and tommaro your gonna have a dumb excuse…

    1. Say, Matt, I bet you don’t read this blog much and because I value readers, even those who disagree with me, I’m going to encourage you to read more of these posts. Because, you know, you’d see that I think Camping is a nutcase.

  5. first of all, there cant be a zombie apocalypse now because there was no rapture and secondly, well yeah thats about it really! some ppl are just so gullible. if someone told you to jump off a cliff, would u do it, no, so why should u believe this……?!

  6. John Phillips, you need do do your research as God was not an Annunaki alien. He created them as a way to protect the humans during the time of Adam and Eve. Plus you can’t make an argument about religion being bull*** and allude to excerpts from Genesis. Last I checked this overgrown central government has had no problem controlling the masses without the help of religious entities.

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