“For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NKJV)
“Furthermore it has been said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32 NKJV)
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,’ and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:3-9 NKJV)
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:10-16 NKJV)
As part of the by-laws in our Church organization, the ministers that are licensed with our organization cannot have been a member of the church, divorce, remarry and then seek minister’s credentials. Recently, I have seen those that purport to hold to our particular faith accept ministers who have been twice, or three times, married into the ministerial fold. Is it acceptable?
Divorce is an ugly thing, however, it is at times very needful. Would any pastor in his right mind actually counsel a spouse to stay in an abusive marriage? Or would you counsel a couple to stay together for the sake of the children? God lines out acceptable divorce procedures. Sexual Immorality is at the top of the list, and frankly, I am pretty liberal concerning what is sexual immorality and unfaithfulness in marriage.
If you read the passages above, you will get the general idea that God hates divorce, but he allows for remarriage if that divorce is predicated under an adulterous relationship. Remember, although divorce is allowed, remarriage is only allowed for sexual immorality on the part of the other spouse.
So, to what level do you allow those that do such things, willingly, back into the leadership fold? I do not believe you can restrict access to the altar or to Communion. Although you should allow a man or a woman who is remarried back into the congregation, no one should allow them to hold a leadership position in the Church, especially that of pastor.
Let me also direct you to this site.
Marriage is a key factor in understanding the relationship of Christ and His Church. It is something to be honoured an protected. In this world, divorce, or even the cohabitation, is common, and the true idea of marriage is almost gone. Before any religious precepts were given to Man and Life, God gave them the covenant of Marriage. It was a mystical union, and one that must be preserved in sancity.
The same is said of the Church. If adulterers are allowed to hold posts, then their idea of ministry remains under sin. If they could not honor their wife, then how can they honor God?
These are incomplete thoughts – what are yours?
Joel L. Watts holds a Masters of Arts from United Theological Seminary with a focus in literary and rhetorical criticism of the New Testament. His interests include exploring the role of mimesis in human civilization, specifically in the study of religion and media, as well as science fiction and the way in which it has allowed mythology to be explored in light of scientific discoveries of the past century. He is the author of Mimetic Criticism of the Gospel of Mark: Introduction and Commentary (Wipf and Stock, 2013) and a co-editor and contributor to From Fear to Faith: Stories of Hitting Spiritual Walls (Energion, 2013).
Website: → Unsettled Christianity
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Very well written. Being a twice married, twice divorced woman, the first from very biblical reasons (over 15 affairs on his part) and the second due to a very physically violent man, I personally have not considered remarriage. I have been asked to, but my track record speaks that it is best left alone.
As far as holding a position, I have not even thought about it.
As far as someone else holding one: Lets see, if they are divorced because they committed adultry, I would have a very big problem, but I think that stems from my first husband after leaving me for another woman and as a reward was given a sunday school class to teach while he was living with her. It proved no discernment or discretion on the part of the leadership of the church he attended, but that is just me.
If it were a man who was left by his wife and she committed adultry, I would expect him to take time to heal and go through a restoration process so as to not make every woman in his congregation pay for his wife’s sin, not to mention make sure he does not loose sight of his calling and begin to seek out a wife at the wrong time as my brother in law did when my sister left him for another woman (ouch) and then before the ink was dry, was introduced to another woman and they married within 4 months of the divorce. Now, he is an alcoholic and is divorced, oh and I didn’t mention, he was a youth pastor. It was the leadership of his church that encouraged him to remarry.
Divorce is never easy and remarriage can be a blessing and a curse. I personally, would rather, if the man in a position of authority can handle the problems with a burning fire (as Paul calls it) of passion and stay single, then he should especially after divorce. If not, then I would prefer he step down, admit he can’t, and get remarried in order for him not to sin. Those are my thoughts.
Very well written. Being a twice married, twice divorced woman, the first from very biblical reasons (over 15 affairs on his part) and the second due to a very physically violent man, I personally have not considered remarriage. I have been asked to, but my track record speaks that it is best left alone.
As far as holding a position, I have not even thought about it.
As far as someone else holding one: Lets see, if they are divorced because they committed adultry, I would have a very big problem, but I think that stems from my first husband after leaving me for another woman and as a reward was given a sunday school class to teach while he was living with her. It proved no discernment or discretion on the part of the leadership of the church he attended, but that is just me.
If it were a man who was left by his wife and she committed adultry, I would expect him to take time to heal and go through a restoration process so as to not make every woman in his congregation pay for his wife’s sin, not to mention make sure he does not loose sight of his calling and begin to seek out a wife at the wrong time as my brother in law did when my sister left him for another woman (ouch) and then before the ink was dry, was introduced to another woman and they married within 4 months of the divorce. Now, he is an alcoholic and is divorced, oh and I didn’t mention, he was a youth pastor. It was the leadership of his church that encouraged him to remarry.
Divorce is never easy and remarriage can be a blessing and a curse. I personally, would rather, if the man in a position of authority can handle the problems with a burning fire (as Paul calls it) of passion and stay single, then he should especially after divorce. If not, then I would prefer he step down, admit he can’t, and get remarried in order for him not to sin. Those are my thoughts.
A PS on my exhusband who cheated, he has been remarried and divorced two more times.
A PS on my exhusband who cheated, he has been remarried and divorced two more times.
I was divorced before I became a Christian. I also remarried within a year of the divorce being final. I speak from experience when I say that if I had not found Christ and believed the Bible to be the manual for life, my second marriage would not have lasted. Thanks to the grace, healing, and power, of God, we have just celebrated our 14th anniversary. Marriage is difficult, and it is easy to become selfish. But God’s word is clear that we are to be selfless, kind, forgiving, humble. My wife did us a wonderful favor when she let God lead her to show me (in the middle of an argument) in scripture how God defines love and that I was not being loving. If we could all follow what God has said in regards to life, and marriage in particular, we would be much better off.
I love 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,
As Polycarp mentioned, I have written up some principles that apply to marriage (really most of them apply to all relationships). You can read it in the site he directed us to in his post.
I was divorced before I became a Christian. I also remarried within a year of the divorce being final. I speak from experience when I say that if I had not found Christ and believed the Bible to be the manual for life, my second marriage would not have lasted. Thanks to the grace, healing, and power, of God, we have just celebrated our 14th anniversary. Marriage is difficult, and it is easy to become selfish. But God’s word is clear that we are to be selfless, kind, forgiving, humble. My wife did us a wonderful favor when she let God lead her to show me (in the middle of an argument) in scripture how God defines love and that I was not being loving. If we could all follow what God has said in regards to life, and marriage in particular, we would be much better off.
I love 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,
As Polycarp mentioned, I have written up some principles that apply to marriage (really most of them apply to all relationships). You can read it in the site he directed us to in his post.
Tammy, I know more than a few ‘ministers’ that was in your former husband’s situation. I appreciate you sharing your testimony. Divorce is not easy – it even bother God (Jeremiah 18).
Tammy, I know more than a few ‘ministers’ that was in your former husband’s situation. I appreciate you sharing your testimony. Divorce is not easy – it even bother God (Jeremiah 18).
Tammy, good thoughts. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry things have been difficult for you in this area. Thanks for sharing. You are so correct the leaders of those churches were not discerning nor obedient to God.
Tammy, good thoughts. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry things have been difficult for you in this area. Thanks for sharing. You are so correct the leaders of those churches were not discerning nor obedient to God.
I am divorced and married. I did not initiate the divorce, and was actually trying to salvage the marriage up until two days after my ex-wife filed for divorce (it took a while for the papers to be served).
I am married again, after consultation with quite a lot of people and thoughts about what the Bible had to say about it. And, yes, my ex-wife had at least one affair.
So, to answer: I’d be very wary of me in a leadership position.
I am a group leader on our church’s worship team, but that’s not much of a leadership role, really. I should not be a pastor.
God hates divorce, and so do I.
I am divorced and married. I did not initiate the divorce, and was actually trying to salvage the marriage up until two days after my ex-wife filed for divorce (it took a while for the papers to be served).
I am married again, after consultation with quite a lot of people and thoughts about what the Bible had to say about it. And, yes, my ex-wife had at least one affair.
So, to answer: I’d be very wary of me in a leadership position.
I am a group leader on our church’s worship team, but that’s not much of a leadership role, really. I should not be a pastor.
God hates divorce, and so do I.
wickle,
U agree God hates divorce and so do I. I’m sorry you were the victim of adultery and divorce. Thank you for sharing.
If you do not mind me asking, why would you be wary of you as a a pastor?
wickle,
U agree God hates divorce and so do I. I’m sorry you were the victim of adultery and divorce. Thank you for sharing.
If you do not mind me asking, why would you be wary of you as a a pastor?
Wickle, if you ex-wife had the affair, I do not see how that disqualifies you from anything.
Wickle, if you ex-wife had the affair, I do not see how that disqualifies you from anything.
What nice posts and comments all around. This is encouraging even though it’s not an issue for me.
I have a post on divorce and you can see where a scholar jumps through a ton of hoops to come up with contrary conclusions.
One thing I noticed in 1 Cor 7 is that it talks about a wife separating, “But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.”. I wonder if this is not just because of divorce laws of the time (whatever they were in Corinth, I’m not sure) but that if a wife is abused, of course she would separate. It may seem unfair, but he may be saying she shouldn’t remarry in this case.
Here is a more unfair statement of my own. If people truly are Christians, we would like to think there wouldn’t be abuse and adultery. And if somebody has an extreme weakness in this area, there would be a good chance of recovery and reconciliation. This would mean that in considering a potential spouse, they should make absolutely sure that they are a Christian by their “fruit” as evidence. But this isn’t foolproof and that’s a lot of discernment and maturity to put on a 22 year old. Or even younger in those times. Maybe parents who arrange marriages would have better discernment, but then I don’t know how they could get to know them that well.
Just rambling. Again this is nice to see people taking Scripture at its word.
Jeff
What nice posts and comments all around. This is encouraging even though it’s not an issue for me.
I have a post on divorce and you can see where a scholar jumps through a ton of hoops to come up with contrary conclusions.
One thing I noticed in 1 Cor 7 is that it talks about a wife separating, “But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.”. I wonder if this is not just because of divorce laws of the time (whatever they were in Corinth, I’m not sure) but that if a wife is abused, of course she would separate. It may seem unfair, but he may be saying she shouldn’t remarry in this case.
Here is a more unfair statement of my own. If people truly are Christians, we would like to think there wouldn’t be abuse and adultery. And if somebody has an extreme weakness in this area, there would be a good chance of recovery and reconciliation. This would mean that in considering a potential spouse, they should make absolutely sure that they are a Christian by their “fruit” as evidence. But this isn’t foolproof and that’s a lot of discernment and maturity to put on a 22 year old. Or even younger in those times. Maybe parents who arrange marriages would have better discernment, but then I don’t know how they could get to know them that well.
Just rambling. Again this is nice to see people taking Scripture at its word.
Jeff
Thank you Poly and WB for your kind words. I just want you to know, when I look at what God has brought me through, I love being His alone. Sometimes I wish I were still a wife. My ex tells me I was a great wife, he just wanted more than one woman. But, when I miss being married, I just turn on wife swap and that just totally reminds me why I am still single. I am so glad remarriage has so wonderfully worked in your WB. For you, God’s favor was in remarriage, for me it is being His alone. I kind of like not having any competition for being in His presence (my kids are grown).
Thank you Poly and WB for your kind words. I just want you to know, when I look at what God has brought me through, I love being His alone. Sometimes I wish I were still a wife. My ex tells me I was a great wife, he just wanted more than one woman. But, when I miss being married, I just turn on wife swap and that just totally reminds me why I am still single. I am so glad remarriage has so wonderfully worked in your WB. For you, God’s favor was in remarriage, for me it is being His alone. I kind of like not having any competition for being in His presence (my kids are grown).
Tammy,
I have enjoyed reading your comments. I love my wife, and my kids and wold not trade anything for them. However, there have been times when I wish I were, uh, unencumbered, so as to be able to focus on God and bringing His love to others in ways I can not do at present. But God has been very good to me in my marriage and shown great purpose in it, as well as love and grace. And I am grateful for it.
Even so, you have reason to be glad.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Rejoice!
Tammy,
I have enjoyed reading your comments. I love my wife, and my kids and wold not trade anything for them. However, there have been times when I wish I were, uh, unencumbered, so as to be able to focus on God and bringing His love to others in ways I can not do at present. But God has been very good to me in my marriage and shown great purpose in it, as well as love and grace. And I am grateful for it.
Even so, you have reason to be glad.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Rejoice!
Rejoice, don’t mind if I do.
Hey there is also one great thing I get to do this Saturday. I am singing at an Agape banquet and it it is also my birthday. I get to sing a love song to God since I am single. I am so excited. You love that wife and kids of yours with everything. You doing that is more of an outreach to those who long to see real love in action that you might ever be able to show single.
I love that scripture. I use it everytime my parents start harping on remarriage again. I told them I get spoiled by the best husband ever. Thank you for sharing it with me again.
Rejoice, don’t mind if I do.
Hey there is also one great thing I get to do this Saturday. I am singing at an Agape banquet and it it is also my birthday. I get to sing a love song to God since I am single. I am so excited. You love that wife and kids of yours with everything. You doing that is more of an outreach to those who long to see real love in action that you might ever be able to show single.
I love that scripture. I use it everytime my parents start harping on remarriage again. I told them I get spoiled by the best husband ever. Thank you for sharing it with me again.
Happy Birthday! What a great present.
Sing to the Lord and rejoice in Him. I’m sure He’ll love it.
I DO love them with everything. I’m so grateful for them in my life.
I only pray I allow God’s love to flow through me so they have some understanding of the love both He and I feel for them.
Happy Birthday! What a great present.
Sing to the Lord and rejoice in Him. I’m sure He’ll love it.
I DO love them with everything. I’m so grateful for them in my life.
I only pray I allow God’s love to flow through me so they have some understanding of the love both He and I feel for them.
Thank you.
I am sure they feel it daily. God is good at making sure of these things.
Thank you.
I am sure they feel it daily. God is good at making sure of these things.
I was divorced and remarried before I became a Christian . I divorced because of adultery on my 1st husband’s part but my 2nd husband divorced his wife because they could not make a go of their marriage.
Therefore with what was written in your article does that mean we are in an adulterous marriage. Where does one go from here . I have found this most upsetting as I know of pastors who are living immoral lives, yet it looks as though those of us who try to keep ourselves pure are in a worse state because we are married (before knowing Christ) to someone who divorced un-Biblically.
I was divorced and remarried before I became a Christian . I divorced because of adultery on my 1st husband’s part but my 2nd husband divorced his wife because they could not make a go of their marriage.
Therefore with what was written in your article does that mean we are in an adulterous marriage. Where does one go from here . I have found this most upsetting as I know of pastors who are living immoral lives, yet it looks as though those of us who try to keep ourselves pure are in a worse state because we are married (before knowing Christ) to someone who divorced un-Biblically.
Tammy, thanks.
Yes, He is.
Tammy, thanks.
Yes, He is.
Ailsa, if the divorce, for whatever reason, happened before Salvation, then it is cast into the sea of forgetfulness. I think you misread it. Remember, the biblical restriction apply to those who live biblical lives. God forgives all.
I agree with Polycarp,
If one was divorced before becoming a Christian, he/she is a
new creation and so is free to marry, based upon
2 Corinthians 5:17
I agree with Polycarp,
If one was divorced before becoming a Christian, he/she is a
new creation and so is free to marry, based upon
2 Corinthians 5:17
Wb, I guess I should have said something about that earlier – but I know of a few congregations which actually hold to the idea that if you were divorced and remarried before salvation, you are still considered as living in adultery. Why is that the only sin that doesn’t get washed away?
Dear Polycarp . You are a blessing and I now see the Truth of this matter . It has been the one thing I have felt I could not put right before God and caused me a great deal of grief. I indeed misread your article. I thought it read that the partner you married must also be divorced Biblically to make this right before God. I have repented over and over for this but have not seen the light till you explained to my troubled soul. God bless you for that. I pray that at the end of the day we can all be as your namesake Polycarp was . A true diciple of Christ who was willing to die for his Master. I pray for the strength to be able to follow this way as the way the ‘church’ is going right now it may well be required.
Thank you in the Beloved Saviour’s Name
Ailsa
Dear Polycarp . You are a blessing and I now see the Truth of this matter . It has been the one thing I have felt I could not put right before God and caused me a great deal of grief. I indeed misread your article. I thought it read that the partner you married must also be divorced Biblically to make this right before God. I have repented over and over for this but have not seen the light till you explained to my troubled soul. God bless you for that. I pray that at the end of the day we can all be as your namesake Polycarp was . A true diciple of Christ who was willing to die for his Master. I pray for the strength to be able to follow this way as the way the ‘church’ is going right now it may well be required.
Thank you in the Beloved Saviour’s Name
Ailsa
Alisa, thank you for your kind words. How many sins have I committed before Grace took me? And they were all forgiven. I hope that you do not worry yourself anymore with this, as the old things are passed away, and behold, under grace, all things are new. As you can read, there have been other friends on this blog who have been divorced and remarried before Christ. I do appreciate your kind words, they are a Godsend.
And I am also thrilled that you mentioned the old Bishop, as yes, I hope that I too have that strength, daily.
Bless you dear Real Child of God . What a blessing can come from the most unexpected sources . Thank you again dear Polycarp. I am lifted up to a new level of Glory by His Grace . A great burden has now gone. I praise His Name and forever want to give Glory to Him alone who deserves our very all. I can see you are exactly this kind of saint.
Ailsa
from Scotland
UK
Bless you dear Real Child of God . What a blessing can come from the most unexpected sources . Thank you again dear Polycarp. I am lifted up to a new level of Glory by His Grace . A great burden has now gone. I praise His Name and forever want to give Glory to Him alone who deserves our very all. I can see you are exactly this kind of saint.
Ailsa
from Scotland
UK
Polycarp,
Divorce is the only sin I have seen that people have a great deal of difficulty forgiving. I have no idea why, but they tend to be judgmental on this issue, or they lean the other way and are very liberal so they don’t feel judged.
Ailsa,
Isn’t it grand to see how the truth sets you free, just as our Lord has said?
John 8:31-32
31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Polycarp,
Divorce is the only sin I have seen that people have a great deal of difficulty forgiving. I have no idea why, but they tend to be judgmental on this issue, or they lean the other way and are very liberal so they don’t feel judged.
Ailsa,
Isn’t it grand to see how the truth sets you free, just as our Lord has said?
John 8:31-32
31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Adultery, and spousal abandonment (this could also include abuse, as that’s truly a form of abandonment) are two issues that would be acceptable standouts for divorce AFTER conversion. Before conversion? As has been said, our sins are washed away.
Ailsa, if the divorce, for whatever reason, happened before Salvation, then it is cast into the sea of forgetfulness. I think you misread it. Remember, the biblical restriction apply to those who live biblical lives. God forgives all.
Wb, I guess I should have said something about that earlier – but I know of a few congregations which actually hold to the idea that if you were divorced and remarried before salvation, you are still considered as living in adultery. Why is that the only sin that doesn’t get washed away?
Alisa, thank you for your kind words. How many sins have I committed before Grace took me? And they were all forgiven. I hope that you do not worry yourself anymore with this, as the old things are passed away, and behold, under grace, all things are new. As you can read, there have been other friends on this blog who have been divorced and remarried before Christ. I do appreciate your kind words, they are a Godsend.
And I am also thrilled that you mentioned the old Bishop, as yes, I hope that I too have that strength, daily.